"How My Friend Brought An 'Ashewo' To My House"

“It was 4:30 am last Saturday and I was still battling from the stress of the week, slept like someone who trekked from V.I to Aguda Surulere all through Monday to Friday.

I was still enjoying my dream of an imaginary girlfriend preparing a seemingly spicy ‘Ogbono’ soup for me when a loud knock on my door jolted me out of the beautiful dream.

Who? I asked still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and struggling with visibility in the darkness.

Femi, Na me! I recognised the voice immediately; Frank’s.

I yawned as I sauntered to open the front door. There he was, laughing heartily in the darkness.

You dey fear? Na me nah! He said jokingly.

I just looked at him again, not seeing clearly obviously, still battling the sleep and grogginess.

Beside him was a thick girl, I did not bother to check out who she was as I only wanted to open the door and get back to sleep!

What was going through my head was, Where is Frank coming from with his girlfriend early in the morning. My thoughts quickly filtered off when I found the answer to my question by myself!

They may have probably gone clubbing at Adeniran Ogunsanya and they could not make it home.

The other room was free, so I allowed them in, to sleep till the morning when they leave, I went back to my room hoping to continue my dream.

I woke again at 9 am to find Frank in the bathroom, having his bath!

He greeted me and I replied, and I went back to TV to keep up with the latest on Sports Blitz.

15 minutes later, Frank all dressed up, told me he wanted to buy stuffs down the street that he would soon be back!

Oh! Boy, make I quickly arrange something down the road, I go quick come back now!

I responded by saying I have a bridal shower shoot by 12pm, and he should return on time so that I can lock the house and leave for the job.

He said No wahala!

1 hour turned to 2 hours, I waited for Frank to return from where he went. Called his line only to find it switched off.

I was already running late, and I needed to be out of the house, Frank’s number was not going through as well.

I thought and thought, and guess what I did!!!!

I knocked on the door of the room and the babe told me to enter. Hmmmn… See No evil- Hear no evil.

I entered the room quietly and the first thing that hit me was the strange face of the girl lying on the bed. She was very hairy and had all sorts of tattoo on her right arm.

Hello Madam,

Can you see how you can call Frank? I need to be out of this house in 20 minutes and I need him here. Do you know his house? Can you get there?

I spoke in a hurry!

I don’t know his house oh! She responded and she continued:

His phone is even here, charging. He hasn’t even paid me my money!

I was bemused! Frank’s phone was obviously in the room switched off

What money? T-fare? I replied

T-fare?, Money for job done nah. He sha slept with me all through the night and him come commot this morning without dropping my bar for me.

She said staring at me!

Oh Gosh, Warrisdis! I screamed to myself.

See en? I told her.

This is not his house or did he tell you he was living here? Biko, I need to be out of this house in 15 minutes! Can you try to find him or something?

Bros! I am not leaving here oh! He needs to get back on time to pay me! She was already raising her voice!

Oh Lord, I am in trouble, I said to myself!

Biko, sha get dressed first, I need to be out of this house, like right now!

I told her again!

She now responded authoritatively.

Oga Calm down, I dey come!

She stood from the bed, walked past me Unclad into the bathroom to have her bath, while I waited.

After she was done bathing, she walked past me in the sitting room with water drooping from her Unclad body.

I asked myself:

What is this babe trying to do? Seduce me? A prostitute? LOL! I was perplexed and angry at the same time. She is just being a prostitute. She needs to be out of here!

10 minutes later, she was all dressed up and thankfully ready to leave!

On her right hand was Frank’s phone, and she told me

Oga, I am leaving!

I asked her, is this not Frank’s phone?

She said Yes! I am taking it with me, tell him to find me where he **picked** me from yesterday.

Picked?

I did not kuku argue!

Don’t worry, he will meet you where he picked you!

……………….That was how I scaled through oh! Imagine if she had raised her voice at me, told me I was the one who slept with her! I would not have been able to deal with it: The embarrassment, insults, arguments!

Men, I heaved a sigh of relief when I finally left the house for my shoot!

As for Frank, I told him I never wanted to see him again, if I do?! Someone will get injured. I was that mad!

If you were the person in that situation. What would you have done? Have you encountered such situations before? How did you deal?

It is important that you share this post with your friends. Let us all be careful of friends and their antics!