Pls Help! I slept with my father-in-law with consent from my husband to get pregnant, Now my marriage is suffering

A lady who is passing through difficulties in her marriage as a result of decision she took to get pregnant shared her story with LIB and wants your advice

Read below:

I had been married for six years without a baby. I can't remember being pregnant for some hours, it was that bad. No conceiving at all, much-less miscarriage. I managed to pull through the first three years of my marriage, believing all would be well in a matter time. There was no hope in going to the hospital because I and my husband have been told in different occasions that we were medically sound.

What then was the problem? I took to praying. I would go for prayers where I hear the man of God was powerful, even some questionable prayer houses went to.

I visited herbalists as my friends suggested, but nothing seemed to work. I started giving in to self-defeat when pressure started setting in. It became so turbulent for me that I couldn’t bear it. At the heat of it all, ironically, I got more support from my in-laws, who would always told me to give it time, especially my father-in-law. My own mother turned out to be my greatest nightmare. She would always pressure me on how she wanted to carry her ground children as I was the only child left of a family of five. After the sixth year, I decided to give in to my parents' suggestion of going traditional in fixing our issue after several dispute had ensued. This, my in-laws consented to as well.

I was taken to a herbalist in Osun State who told me there was only one solution to my problem: sleeping with my father in-law! God forbid! I creamed! He said, it was the only way I could have kids for my husband in the future, but that was the only way, I would be a mother. My husband objected to it as I did. But to my surprise, my parents whom I thought would second our objection actually saw no big deal in me having a sexual intercourse with my father in-law, especially if that was the only way to open doors to my fertility. My in-laws kicked against the idea the moment we arrive that day. Argument emerged from my parent and my in-laws and that went on for a whole year. My mother would talk to my in-laws in several occasions, telling them their daughter was fertile, but their son wasn’t and that she wanted to carry her grandchildren before she dies. That sleeping with their in-law was the only solution to giving us kids in the future, why delay about and why not even give it a try, even if it was ones? This issue went on for a while and my parents succeeded in having their way. My husband at some point reluctantly permitted me. My father in-law eventually conceded and the rest was history.

A week after the whole thing, my husband and I met and the unimaginable happened; I became pregnant! Mixed feelings: I was happy I would carry my baby after all, and on the other hand, sad because the means was a grave violation of my convictions and values. Nine months down the road, we had a set of twins; two boys and that was when darkness set in. Sex and intimacy turned sour between me and my husband. First I noticed I lost the excitement of being with my husband. Of course, he was more emotionally pained than I was over the ordeal but he mustered the guts to foster intimacy between us but the guilt wouldn't let me flow. At a point, I started starving him of sex. I just couldn't forgive myself for going that far. Pained as he was, he tried all he could to make things work but the resistance from me outweighed his push. Eventually he gave in and we both swung into depression. He accepted his fate and stopped bothering himself about us. He gradually began withdrawing from domestic responsibilities, unlike him.

Somehow, I got myself together but I guess it was too late. He had allowed depression fester too much that the reality of ordeal began painting pictures of me to him in a different light. Now, I was the one pushing and he was resisting. I called him one night for a discussion and he told me he could not just imagine himself touching me anymore after his dad had had me. He told me I had begun stinking to him. When I asked him why he stopped catering for the boys, he told me he wasn't convinced the set of twins was his and not his dad’s, and that he would only resume responsibility until a test confirmed his paternity. We ran a DNA test and found out...

Dear readers, here's where I am: I'm mothering my father in-law’s babies, my husband has moved out of the house. I have no idea of his whereabouts as I speak. The father of my babies (my father in-law) is now bed-ridden, he suffered stroke from the shock of his current position as the father of my boys. My parents, who instigated this whole thing, have nothing to offer me to get my marriage back, as they have engaged my husband severally without result, that being the major reason he left the house.

I had a nudging what I was getting myself into was the wrong thing but I was too naive to see beyond the lines. I thought saving my marriage was more important than happiness itself. Sometimes, when you have been stretched beyond limits, you do ridiculous things to get your life back.

I know somehow, I deserve what is going on now. Would that be my fate forever? I love my husband and i want him back. Please how do I handle this? How do I get my husband to come back to me? I need help please!